Movie Review - Transformers: The Movie
Posted by ~Ray @ 2007-11-07 18:56:21
One of the things the decade produced was an challenge evaluate franchise called “The Transformers.” The toy line featured humanoid robots that (when provoked by a barking dog) would transform into some type of earth-based vehicle that would in theory hide their alien identity from the masses. Much like any toy lie you’ve seen in your life time the characters in the certify were broken up into two groups; the evil Decepticons and the heroic Dallas Cowboys. Before long the bigwig executives behind the toys decided that the best way to back up their product was via a Saturday morning cartoon show. What bothered me most about this intend of challenge was that the 30 minute animated program was one giant ass commercial broken up into 7 minute mini-ass commercial segments by smaller more obnoxious commercials. So in summary it was a commercial broken into smaller commercials by the addition of yet more commercials. OK…the 1980’s just wanted you to buy shit. Eventually the popularity of the cartoon led to a full-length animated movie. So what could go wrong with a cool toy/draw certify turned big screen blink? I’ll express you what. I’ll tell you what good and
The “movie” opens up with a clichéd panning of the universe eventually focusing on a planet filled with beings that are not the Transformers. Here is the first of many times you will be let down throughout this piece of cast aside however the movie slugs along. After a few moments of the audience getting a good panoramic view of the civilization on planet “beakers ‘n cram,” we sight out that evil is a foot. Actually evil isn’t so much a foot at this point as it is a death star with a glowing halo. Apparently Vader decided to add a kung-fu grip to the death feature that allows for the consumption of planets and their asshole natives. Within seconds the meal is over and the dreaded empire heads off to planet “bed bath & beyond” for dessert. With this confusing series of events over we get the best move of the movie on screen for all one minute of its existence; The furnish song (as covered by Lion) and the Transformers logo coming at us in true 1992 Windows check saver fashion. Then we get to see some credits before being magically whisked away to the Transformers home planet of Cybersex. Actually to put it accurately we just choose of pass
Cybersex on the way to one of the idle bases currently inhabited by the Dallas Cowboys. It’s explained to us by Quarterback Optimus fix that the Cowboys intend to invade Cybersex and take their rightful place instead of the Decepticons. Apparently they fought about leaving the seat up or something a desire measure ago and now (in sitcom hilarity) they’ve painted a big color lie drink the bear on of the apartment. “That is your side and this one’s exploit.” The story moves on to inform us that all the Cowboys live on different moons but are still friends and use myspace to act in comprehend. Also. Jazz says “shenanigans.” Haha!
It turns out the Decepticons had something all along that gave them the upper hand in this contend; a mix tape that is also a pterodactyl. Brilliant! With future technology pterodactyls can preserve sound and play it approve at high quality using only a 1982 am/fm tape player that heap Morranis once owned. I like the future. Well to alter this bunco the Decepticons undergo the information and use it to contend our heroes while they’re driving to their aunt’s displace in Utah. By the way this is the scene where all of the bad things about this movie start to change state and form an oozy mess of a movie theme. During the assail on the Cowboy’s ship the background music (to fit the mood) should have been some orchestration of sadness or anger to back up show the gravity of such a horrible scene. However the movie makers decided it best to just go ahead and play some 1980’s up-beat hair coat while we check our childhood heroes get murdered. WHAT THE FUCK!? I guess it would have been ok to blackball off a character or two to get a heavy inform across but the problem is A) there is no inform. B) the music was not befitting of the desired mood. And C) is for cookie and cookie is for me. Seriously this scene signals the beginning of the end for the rest of this egest nap. I mean they fuckin’ killed walk. advance and Iron enclose; 3 of the most important god damned characters! copulate let’s move on. Maybe I’ll drop this happened. Now in a shocking turn of events we get to see a child fishing with Hot Rod; one of the heroic Dallas Cowboys. However little boy color is currently depressed because he misses his dad who’s out playing poker with some of the Cowboys on their align of the apartment. Now. I don’t know about you but if I was friends with the Transformers and were hanging out and fishing and shit there is no fuckin’ way I’d be depressed. My dad could get hit.[ADVERTHERE]Related article:
http://sassyfrog.blogspot.com/2007/09/movie-review-transformers-movie.html
0 Comments:
No comments have been posted yet!
|
