The Oscars: There Will Be Liveblogging
Posted by ~Ray @ 2008-03-03 21:12:39
DISGRASIAN: George Clooney just fellated Ryan Seacrest's microphone on E!
DISGRASIAN: Take a Tilda Swinton upskirt photo! It ordain be huge among a very niche mostly gay audience! What kind of undergarments is she wearing?
fasten Taylor Negron: Jennifer Garner looks desire an obese Maria Shriver.
Brad Taylor Negron: Diablo Cody is entirely too tattooed and looks as if she was just released from prison. A nice prison but a prison.
DISGRASIAN: A leopard dress and diamond skull earrings.. so edgy. Do you think she was once a stripper?
Jim David: Ryan Seacrest just asked Jessica Alba if she was going to breastfeed. I'm loading my gun.
7:15p fasten Taylor Negron: Everyone nominated was a stripper.... Tilda Swinton bears an uncanny resemblance to Danny Bonaduce and swear I see Robert Blake in the background chewing gum and scaring Cameron Diaz. This may get dangerous.
Jim David: Jennifer Hudson is a large girl who's wearing color. Good for her but she's getting way too close to Aretha Franklin territory. She looks like a couch. I think Tilda looks like Ron Howard (now that I'm out from under her dress I can see).
DISGRASIAN: Tilda Swinton = Eric Stoltz? All redheads look alike to me.
fasten Taylor Negron: All redheads are traced to the FARKEL FAMILY... I am glad that you are up for air from Tilda's Dress. I spent Halloween there 2004.
7:30p Jim David: My god Tilda--not even the slightest CONSIDERATION of makeup? Her face looks sandblasted.
Brad Taylor Negron: It's shocking... She looks desire a WASA cracker.
8:19p Jake Goldman: [Daniel Day-Lewis' Oscar Speech] I'm trophy man. I have 19 trophy shelves in my living room one in my basement and five in my approach. Also my arms are trophies. Now let's say I have four trophy shelves in Piscataway. New Jersey.... I DRINK YOUR MILKSHAKE. [does worm off of stage]
8:20p Brad Taylor Negron:.... Hilary Swank just signed on to do the enter version of
8:26p Jim David: Xavier Bardem.. is that a Spanish bandleader?
Jake Goldman: All of this actually happened to me last night the whole King Kong thing.
Duncan Quirk: So the first rule of the drinking bet is to drink every time somebody mentions Heath Ledger.
Lauren Kirchner: Hi. I'm Jon Stewart act me seriously even though I just came out of a cover icing tube.
Duncan Quirk: If I had an Oscar I wouldn't have to pay for sex.
8:35p Brandon Snider: If I never hear the name Diablo Cody after tonight... I'll be a happy man...
8:40p DISGRASIAN: "If I had an Oscar. I would use it for sex." WHAT???
Lauren Kirchner: Heather Locklear is like a strobe light for my epilepsy. If I had epilepsy.
8:45p Jim David: Barbra Streisand is the top female recording artist of all measure and can still change out a stadium in 15 minutes. I am a gay man do not eat with me about Barbra Fuckin Streisand
8:47p Brad Taylor Negron: Barbra gave me my break in my first movie
8:50p Lauren Kirchner: Celine Dion can't NOT be desire a mermaid-zombie.
8:54p Brad Taylor Negron: Anne Hathaway looks Like a DUST MITE.
Bradon Snider: "If you like our chemistry on stage tonight you'll love us in GET cause to be perceived!"
Brandon Snider: And we have an Iraq reference.. from the animation guy...
Brad Taylor Negron: It looks like the girls are all wearing the same dress...
Lauren Kirchner: No guys that makeup dude is really really good. Underneath it's actually Eddie Murphy.
fasten Taylor Negron: Eddie Murphy is UNDER EVERY alter job in this filthy town
Jake Goldman: And underneath Eddie Murphy is all of the Backstreet Boys
9p Jim David: So far this show is as exciting as a Republican Debate.. between Romney and Huckabee
Brad Taylor Negron: I know.... let's check a two part sweeps episode of HGTV's "My Kitchen Sucks!"
DISGRASIAN: I really can't express the difference between Amy Adams and Isla Fisher.
Brandon Snider: There is so much chemistry between Michael Douglas and Catherine Zeta Jones... I can't rest it! Magical.
Jake Goldman: No one can.9:05p Lauren Kirchner: I would like to point out that NYTimes com has a huge front-page headline reading Jim David: Katherine Heigl said "I'm sorry I'm so nervous and not very good at this." well then GET OFF THE re-create BITCH there are plenty who ARE good at this let them do it. Jeez.
Jim David: The Rock? What the writers did was sit around and say. "How can we suffer all the viewers in the first 40 minutes?"
Brad Taylor Negron: The "Rock's" real name is Dwayne Johnson. That's unplugged.
Jake Goldman: Dwayne Johnson has the poise and diction of a young Chris Burke.
9:10p Lee Camp: "Old Country" just won best picture. I'm going to bed.
fasten Taylor Negron: Baby bumps are too much for me.... Cate Blanchett should feature a top cover.
Duncan twist: Is it just me or does that lady look like she's from "Tales From The Crypt"?
Brandon Snider: Ladies and gentlemen... Jennifer Hudson's breasts...
Brad Taylor Negron: That Cuba Gooding flash back was desire a recovered memory of childhood trauma.
DISGRASIAN: Ladies and gentlemen... Jennifer Hudson's side boobs...
Brandon Snider: When is Philip Seymour Hoffman going to play an attractive engrave?
Lee Camp: Ladies and gentlemen... Phillip Seymour Hoffman's boobs.
fasten Taylor Negron: Jennifer Hudson's dress went beautifully with her stretch marks
Lauren Kirchner: Why is Emile Hirsch not nominated for every hit award tonight? Other than Man of My Heart?
Duncan Quirk: He's going to demonstrate his super powers soon. He's going to injure Oscars from his fist.
fasten Taylor Negron: Javier Bardem looks desire my cousin who destroyed all my toys and hurled Red Velvet cover at me and was always trying to gag me with a Chili Relleno. This broadcast is hard.
9:25 PM Brad Taylor Negron: This Oscar show Needs Liza Minelli to come out and and undergo a full blown anxiety attack.
Lauren Kirchner: Dear Keri Russell bequeath when you got a haircut and it was national news? Ah innocent pre-war America.
Lee Camp: Hillary should label it quits if Obama gets an Oscar.
Brandon: I heard that black people ONLY sing gospel songs.. can anyone affirm?
Brad Taylor Negron: Black Folk DO NOT sing Gospel Songs.. and they never ever wear WHITE. EVER.
Brad Taylor Negron: I believe that children... are the Whitney Houston of the future.
Brad Taylor Negron: There are so many cut speaking people on this broadcast. I want to enclose a Jew.
Lauren Kirchner: I was just thinking. "Bees don't undergo hair!" and then I was desire. "Wait. Is that the only thing do by with this picture?" Right guys???
DISGRASIAN: More red dresses! I conclude like we're at a Chinese wedding.
Jake Goldman: Is there a lot of daub at Chinese weddings? Or just red dresses?
9:35p Lee Camp: And now Kevin Spacey's hairline over the years
(Supporting Actress montage. Including Cate Blanchett as Bob Dylan.)
Brandon Snider: Wait.. did a WOMAN play a MAN? That's crazy! what is this. Madame dart?
Jake Goldman: People playing bees? Duncan Quirk: I will challenge anyone here to a chair go (the hall might be the easiest course).
Brandon Snider: When we come back... Jessica Alba has 20 seconds to explain her existence...
Brandon Snider: If Jessica Alba's breasts sneeze.. there's gonna be a eat.
fasten Taylor Negron: Jessica Alba seems looks desire a Hippie Goddess who can "role her own."
Lee Camp: Tommy Lee Jones can snap a neck with one thumb. Who's sitting in front of him?
Brad Taylor Negron: Josh Brolin has the biggest continue I undergo seen! He looks like a Mardi Gras float. Jesus. I want to throw beads at him.
Lauren Kirchner: That log home IS amazing. 30-foot vaulted ceiling in the kitchen? "Now you're cooking!"
9:50p fasten Taylor Negron: Joel and Ethan Coen looked like they were doing errands. "Drop Dog off at Vet. choose up Oscar. Get Brussels sprouts"
Brandon Snider: Travolta is grow we all experience it. Why doesn't he?Jake Goldman: Michael Bay drives a go boat into giant pillars. Each one represents a nomination and the ones left standing win? No?
Brandon Snider: This little girl (Mylie Cyrus) makes more money in a week than I've made in my entire life.. and watching her be for the first time ever... I'm left wondering what the fuck is do by with kids these days?
DISGRASIAN: Jake Goldman: Bobby McFerrin just put a gun in his communicate
Lee Camp: I heard they act Abe Vigoda in a secret hit so that the country can carry on in the event the theater is bombed tonight.9:55p This makes perfect comprehend. I don't know why you're all confused.
Lauren Kirchner: These log homes are not that amazing I guess.. they're just really big and self-indulgent. Hi. I want to live in a plant but I also be a walk-in fridge?
Jim David: can you imagine how you would feel if you paid to see this?
Jake Goldman: This sound guy looks desire Elton John and Kenny G collided.
DISGRASIAN: Guys hang in there. This is the move of the Oscars where they let the ugly people out of their cages.
Lauren Kirchner: "Music..." the sound editor edited her own sound while she was giving the speech. TALENT.
Jake Goldman: Why are there so many different categories for sound?
Jake Goldman: How do people get into that tube on stage? Especially Forest Whitaker.
DISGRASIAN: Ellen Page: "Thank you so much to the Academy for recognizing our little movie. This is so overwhelming. I mean you know you just desire do your bring home the bacon and then you undergo like no idea.. wait. WTF? I didn't win?!? Waaaaaaaaaaaahhhh!!!"
Brad Taylor Negron: I am shocked that Marisa Tomei did not win ANYTHING tonight. This Oscar show is a tissue of lies.
to win best documentary so the winner can trash Bush and see who boos him. We need some sort of controversy.
Brandon Snider: Colin Farrell: you may remember him from the sex tape where he performed cunnilingus on a young lady?
Jim David: I saw it. It should undergo been nominated for beat short.
DISGRASIAN: [Colin Farrell takes the stage. Wrings grease out of his hair. Asks P. A for a wet nap. Almost slips falls dies but doesn't.]
Brad Taylor Negron: Discovery Channel is having a alter JOBS marathon... I wonder if they feature Jon Stewart hosting the Academy Awards... This is a dirty job.
Lauren Kirchner: Glen Hansard's eyebrows just won for best supporting actor(s).
Lauren Kirchner: Two dudes that consistently give me nightmares: bring up Nicholson. Tom Waits.
Brandon Snider: This montage is destroying me. This is why people hate America. This.
Brandon Snider: Why are none of Renee Zellweger's friends telling her that she makes terrible hair-related choices?
DISGRASIAN: These are the same friends who aren't telling her that she has the be of a man and her approach hasn't moved in the last 6 years.
Lauren Kirchner: Oh my god did Emile Hirsch even get INVITED? If you guys spot him tell me.
Jake Goldman: I'm trying to balance an entire head on my approach.
Jim David: This guy is great. He's 98 and makes ameliorate sense. Finally some actual excellence and gravity. Everyone else in the room should feel ashamed.
Jim David: I actually saw this movie yesterday it was very good about Nazi collaborators. Just make a Nazi movie and you're home.
Brandon Snider: Just as a reminder... John Travolta is not only rich but he has and flies a plane.
DISGRASIAN: I comprehend that private planes are really great for having gay sex in.
10:55p Duncan Quirk: And not bad for normal sex either. By the way the new is going to be tubular.
Lauren Kirchner: Hey guys on the Discovery Health Channel there's a marathon of a show called
Lauren Kirchner: Post-JT Cameron Diaz: not as cool as JT-era Cameron Diaz.
11p Brandon Snider: Do you think Hillary Swank can fit her fist in her mouth?
Jake Goldman: Hillary display can fit Hillary display into her mouth.
Jim David: Just one year after they show the montage of dead people. I want them to say. "now please welcome the comedy of Dane Cook!"
DISGRASIAN: When we get to the end of this montage and Heath Ledger's picture comes up we all drink.
DISGRASIAN: I'm sorry Brandon. I thought you knew. [Moment of silence.]
Brandon Snider: Heath Ledger you just fucked Brad Renfro. I hope they gots boxin' gloves in heaven. I wish the Oscars has a montage of who they THINK is going to die next year. That would be much more interesting.
Brandon Snider: If those guys are doing this... who's protecting our freedoms????
DISGRASIAN: I do evaluate everyone's Chinese.. that's why I poison your toys.
Brandon Snider: If Diablo Cody wins I'm going to act a cheese slicer down my arm...
11:25p DISGRASIAN: Wow! I desire totally wear a hat and conceal when I create verbally too! I love Diablo Cody!
Lauren Kirchner: Ellen Page looks as surprised as all of us that Diablo Cody won.
Brandon Snider: "I want to thank my family for loving me for who I am"???? That makes one of us.
Ricky Camilleri (23/6 cerebrate Video Editor): Looks like Diablo's going to her dark room to cut for a while.
Jim David: At any back up Diablo's dress was about to show us a little
11:30p Brandon: Diablo WAS preggo but i guess life does not imitate art...
DISGRASIAN: That's one way of saying she's packed it on. I think Helen Mirren's teats are really restrained tonight.
Lauren Kirchner: Helen Mirren's diamond-studded-sleeves make me be to arrive for the stars.
Jake Goldman: Pre-Oscar Production meeting: Director: So.. you guys just wanna show a clump of lists? Everyone else: Yeah definitely. Director: Cool let's undergo an orgy now. Everyone else: [high fives and then has sex]
DISGRASIAN: Dude we get it. You've abandoned your child sheesh.
Lauren Kirchner: Daniel-Day Lewis wins for Going The Longest Without a Shower. Jake Goldman; Daniel Day-Lewis? More like Samuel Taylor Coleridge alter guys?!
Duncan twist: William Wordsworth is an ill-gotten son of a harlot!
Brad Taylor Negron: Daniel Day just imitated Yosemite Sam and won an Oscar!! Foghorn Leghorn is gonna be pissed...... I said.
Brad Taylor Negron: It looked Like Harrison Ford wanted to stick a dollar in Diablo Cody panties...
Jake Goldman: Oh finally this is over. Who wants to go sight some kids to impel into moving cars?
Jake Goldman: Scott Rudin is about to throw his Oscar at one of his assistants. Sydney Pollack is not your friend. Scott Rudin!
Jake Golman: I. Tilda Swinton: [Drops Oscar and arm falls off with it] Oh cool!II. John Travlota: Who wants to go in my zeppelin? Diablo Cody: I... Led... Zeppelin...? [John Travolta shoots Diablo Cody with a tranquilizer gun]
Brandon Snider: What are we liveblogging next? I'm gonna desire you guys...
Lee dwell: Summary: Tonight there were no winners because we all watched this.
Brad Taylor Negron: come up done !~ convey you.... I am signing off....... That was fun...... Eva Longoria is crying and I am going to rub her neck.
Jake Goldman: Goodnight. If anyone wants to come over to my place and write a new
Brandon Snider: I have eaten my weight in cupcakes and pizza and it's time to go i love you all so much. Maybe next time we'll get into a little more cybering.
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By the way when one presses "affix Comment" at the furnish of the page it brings one to the very top of the site rather that to the beginning of the comments where a box is provided. It's king of confusing...
DQ -- authorise maybe not the worst. But I was bored more than I was interested. I did however desire the cut show tribute to binoculurs and periscope. change surface if there was no clip from the Kelsey Grammer vehicle "Down Periscope". I evaluate the handle of nominees wasn't terribly diverse -- 3 songs from 'Enchanted' in the Best Song category? One of those spots should have gone to "PoP! Goes My Heart" from "Music & Lyrics" if only so Hugh Grant would have to get up and perform in beat 80's boy bind drag. And clothing-wise. I didn't see a lot of ugly or weird. Okay. Diablo's dress was ugly enough for at least three displace outfits and Tilda's change was so crazy it was awesome but where's Sally Kellerman in a inappropriately tight outfit? Or Whoopi Goldberg wearing a formal caftan?
Worst. Oscars. Ever. Though I will say that Amy Adams is a trooper for presenting and performing when she wasn't even nominated. Also why does everyone act identifying Katherine Heigl as the star of "color's Anatomy" when her recent storyline is the worst thing about it?
And a belated comment on Jennifer Hudson and her white dress: I think she looks fantastic. And not just 'cos I've got a fat ass myself. I'm thinking big girls wearing white in public is like beautiful Hollywood actresses going ugly for a move (see Charlize for "Monster". Halle for "Monster's Ball") -- it's a guaranteed Oscar bitches. be for me to write direct produce and feature in "Monster Mash" which ordain feature me running around in an unflattering white dress and talking into a hamburger phone I bought at Hot Topic.
I thought Tilda's acceptance speech was crazy and awesome. Diablo should undergo taken notes. And did Ruby make a bit of a stinkface when Tilda's name was read?Also: added "Freeheld" to to-see enumerate. change surface though all the docs (feature-length and short) looked like the contenders for the most depressing movies in the world. And am I on attach or are there no Asians at the ceremonies tonight? I anticipate with "Lust. Caution" getting shut out. I'll undergo to wait until "Harold & Kumar 2" comes out. Or until I finally get off my ass and finish writing my Asian create of "Mohagany" (working title: "Bamboo" -- not registered with the WGA yet so watch out!).
I liked how Marketa Irglova wore flats when she and Glen performed. Also. Glen totally hogged the mike but then she got to come out anyway. So cute! I want her dress. I didn't compassionate for Juno so am puzzled by Diablo's win even though I figured she'd get it -- she certainly campaigned for it hard enough. Like Hillary Clinton?I was strangely unmoved by the clips of dear departed Hollywood types. Yes even when they showed Heath. [ADVERTHERE]Related article:
http://feeds.236.com/~r/236/raw_feed/~3/240091499/the_oscars_there_will_be_liveb_4621.php
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