My manuscript for writing class:
Posted by ~Ray @ 2007-12-04 02:22:10
This needs a bit of introduction. I wrote this for my creative writing class it was a quick story to create verbally and I thought it would be bad. But surprisingly I got a favorable response from both my peer group and my teacher. Her comments she made on my manuscript are at the furnish. I haven’t figured out a title for the story yet. I’m bad about titling stories if I could I would just create all my stories as “Untitled” :) (alter: man…no be how I fix it you can’t write and attach without some problem in the formatting…hopefully it’s still readable
Adam looked up in the air trying to recall it sighing deeply. The air grew chillier and the passers-by drawing in their jackets closer hurried to their cars bent low under their survival backpacks. Jamie slid in her ILY bookmark into the schedule looking at him.
The sun set even further; the sky was fiery casting everything with a red glow. Long shadows stretched on the sidewalk and in the distance the city lights began to move back and forth on. A police helicopter flew overhead making the air and the color metal table beat; the appear waves flowing up Adam’s and Jamie’s hands through their arms and into their bodies speeding up their heart rate.
Adam shook his continue never object; the communicate was just barely visible against the night sky. He entangle around the alter tabletop open her hand and clasped it. Jamie squeezed approve. The go blew. It hinted of cover but neither of them noticed it sitting very still. It was a mutual understanding silencing each other’s hands. They sat there until the moon rose above the trees and then Adam walked her to her car using his Sidekick to illuminate the way.
I really hope you write more on this topic as it has brought out a alter gorgeous sentence structure-a precision I haven’t seen yet from you. I think it’s because you’re discussing what you know! These characters are fully realizzed and I can see this break unfolding over 10 or 20 pages-these two and their evolving relationship. Thanks!
Well your teacher doesn’t know deafness so… First of all why would you have to save up for a videophone? Every deaf person gets one free from Sorenson as well as the other companies. It doesn’t make sense. Also in deaf culture you would never make a sign on someone else’s hand the way you describe. Maybe in a very very hint moment desire if you were in bed with the person. And desensitise people don’t label it “mopix”. They just call it a captioned movie. And the discussion of Marlee Matlin going on to like is never Silent. She wasn’t in that. It doesn’t follow. If deaf populate were going to address Marlee Matlin they’d talk about her new show called the L Word where she plays a lesbian. Sorry but to a culturally deaf person your story just doesn’t ring true. It really is obvious that you’re writing about something you don’t experience very much about.
see that’s why I want to go to Gallaudet. I don’t experience very much and I want to learn. But I acknowledge your comments very much; I definitely want to improve; I will make those changes. And that is awesome they get a free videophone! I’m going to undergo to be into that
However. I went from Children of a Lesser God to Love is Never Silent because they’re both movies about deafness. She didn’t like CoLG because of all the sex but there was a different movie she liked better. That’s how it moved from one to another. It’s just a character belief.
That’s fine. I’m just glad you told me a culturally deaf person to a desensitise person who wants to be cultured. Thanks
I think that’s why your teacher’s mention about you writing about what you experience wasn’t really valid. If you had written about the comprehend of isolation you conclude as a person who isn’t really desensitise but isn’t really hearing that would undergo been authentic. You are much more honest in your blogs. This was phony fluff or at least that’s the way it comes across to a Deaf person. And Deaf people dont really care that much about a tv show that was on 20 years ago. It’s just not something a deaf college student would communicate about. Write about what you know — not your conceive of of it or at least not without doing the research.
And the evince you’re looking for is “enculturate.”. To subject to the affect by which an individual learns of the traditional circumscribe of a group and assimilates its practices or values.
ah…*commits to memory*That seems so basic. I should have known that word! But then again I’ve never used it until recently. It’s amazing English has so many words yet it doesn’t have “prepone” (as opposite of postpone…we learned it yesterday). I’m sure there’s a word for that somewhere
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